Harry's Friends
Sherri and I want to thank all of you for making the trip to New Hampshire to remember our good friend Harry Brown. He truly was a force of nature- all f&%$ing day long!
Aside from the rain and the cold, it was a warm and personal way to celebrate the many facets of the man we all knew and loved. Harry's life was full of passions and he loved to share them with so many different people. He affected all of us in unique and individual ways and he will not be forgotten. As sad as it is to face the fact of his death, being together with loving friends has helped to bring some closure.
If anyone would like to send us a remembrance stone to be left with him, please email us for our address. Also, thanks to everyone for bringing food and in helping to make this day happen.
Peace to you all,
Dago and Sherri
posted by Harry at Wednesday, June 07, 2006
3 Comments:
Thanks to you guys for putting on such a great party. I hope that your carpet has dried out.
Let's stay in touch.
Much Love,
brendan, kathleen & audrey
Thu Jun 08, 11:46:00 AM
(This is Brettski, calling ...)
What a great send off. You have to believe that Harry's spirit was laughing at us, though.
During the long drive home, I spoke with some of you and we talked about how angry we were. But we all know that there was no changing Harry's mind about anything, so I hope we all can stop beating ourselves up about what more we could have done (I'm speaking for myself, here).
Anywho, I hope the steak tips would have been to his liking. (The chicken rocked!)
Eleanor and I have already laid plans to try and meet up in the Virginia area. I'm also considering hosting something at my in-laws place in southern PA. So lets do it! (It's a Plan!)
Also, I realize I have an American Drilling sweatshirt that must belong to the Averills. I will send it along.
Our gratitude cannot be put into words. Dago, Sherri, MICRO, none of us could have put together a better memorial for HBII.
;-)
Fri Jun 09, 10:45:00 AM
It was wonderful to see everyone.
I had an interesting conversation with my mom this weekend about the meaning of life and death. We got on the subject of why Harry was here with all of us. She didn't quite go for the argument of, "He must have had some totally fucked up karma". Her suggestion was something different. If you buy into the karma/destiny theory of spiritual life: he was here to help all of us, and also to break the chain of his family. Three things come to mind:
The first is a question. How many drunks do you know who were loved by so many people? Most drunks, and he was no exception, piss off all the people around them. The difference is that at the end, there is usually no love lost. All of us cared for him very much. My own experience with this confirms this. Some of you remember my stepmother (the woman who literally started a dog fight at the rehearsal dinner for my wedding), no love lost there. I realize however, I am a sample of one and therefore these are my own impressions.
The second is that he had a tremendous positive influence on many of us. I remember Tom Quinn saying once that he used Harry as a measure of his own excess. I think that quite a few of us did. As a result, many of us avoided the depth of excess that he lived with. I have noticed many ex-drunks (or dry alcoholics) in his /our circle, and I wonder how many of us wouldn't have cleaned up our acts, or for that matter how many more of us would have gone over the edge had it not been for him.
The third (and I say this with the greatest respect for Ellen) was that he broke the chain of his parents. He once said something to Margaret (my wife) that she told me just the other day. He said that you have no idea how fragile a child is and that damage done early in life is there for ever. Many of us thought that his desire not to have kids came from him not wanting to grow up. This was probably correct up to a point. Given this comment, I think that he was also terribly afraid for (not of) any children that he might have.
My mom pointed out that the timing of his death seemed to mean that he had accomplished in life what he needed to and he was done. Even the last great move of his life was to move away from all of us. You could call it cowardice, but you could also say that he deliberately tried to distance himself from all of us to lessen our anger and pain.
As Obi-Wan said, many of the truths we hold dear in life depend greatly on our point of view. (This is a bit trite, but I am leaving it in because it is true)
As for my feelings about this perspective, it is hard to tell. I am still so sad about the loss of my friend that it is hard to have any perspective, or care about it. The cosmic nature of this will just have to wait. I console myself with the practical and the tangible. At the moment, he was my friend and brother. I am a better person for having known him, as are all of us. I miss him terribly. Especially having seen him a year or so ago in Colorado; he seemed so well at the time.
For those of you who can stand it, I often take refuge in art when distressed because it gives me a focus to work things out. Here are a couple of things that came out just after he died:
Chance for final forgiveness
Finally gone this third time
Under the waste of neglect
Sorrow and love mix
Emulsion too sad for anger
The end of this emotional hat trick
Never to be extended
By time's impartial comparison
Damage Done shown
In behavioral eddies
Seen only from distance
Hoping his resilient battered soul
Could find a measure of peace
Curled up with his cats
He died alone this May
and...
The Dichotomy that was he
Gentle man destroyed by violence and neglect
Chemical cushion slowing
The impact of his past
Unwilling to give up the switch
That silenced a thousand screaming voices
Until it inevitably ironically switched him off
Lloyd
6-23-06
Fri Jun 23, 09:49:00 AM
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