Crash Band Boom

I was going to continue typing that ending line when my Cable modem crashed, and had to be replaced today by Comcast.

I was going to say I've done my share of helping people out of odd situation, but I've also been responsible for getting them there. So, there is no moral high ground I can stand on.

I'm me. I defy and deny claims I should be dead. I play close to the edge, and I upset people by the scores.

So after this post. the blog will probably die. I cannot not write about my life, and it hurts when I hold it in.

I have peers who sort of understand, but they all puut their eggs in one basket.

This is evolution in action.

My type of person , starting from my grandfather on, need not survive. It weakens the gene pool and goes about it's day doing so.

It's funny to me that Meth heads can live on, but someone who buys a legal substance cannot, but so be our values. When the question is why the answer isn't always money, it's addiction. So pick up a six pack and a carton of smokes, and have a hell of a good time.

But don't tell me what I should believe in. And for the record, I like my life even though I have massive toothaches, bills to pay, and a broken pinky finger, because I DID THAT .

Don't like it, then do what you have to do to get it held down on the ground til you can strangle it, but until then, life isn't a journey, it's an adventure, and if you do not relize that and have a checklist, more power to you.

I did not mean to imply I would hold information hostage about people. I just want you to think back at what you may have done. I would never "air out" anyone's dirty laundry, because I feel it would be the WRONG thing to do.

I open this forum to air out mine on the hopes of learning what is expected from me. That's my permission.

But do not ever expect me to put forth things I know without asking first.

I am, at best lost in a legal swamp, filled with dread and confusion. And I don't like it. But I have discovered one thing.....

You can't, or shouldn't fight the system.

My life is now in ruins, I helped someone and in return I get nothing, I tried to dull the pain, and in return I get stupidity, now I'm just trying very hard to stop myself from just giving up.

Noone returns my calls or emails, so I thank you for that. At least I know where I stand. but remember, someday, you might need me and I won't exist anymore.

I hate Koolaid and Ramen noodles, the cats hate generic food, but we will make it somewhere. But I'm not going to keep up communication, because I simply can't.

The DELL is screwed, the iBook dead and I owe the other mac to my stepfather who helped me through January.

Have a nice Vaelntines everyone, I'll have a beard and praying for good weather to sleep by the Boulder creek trail with two cats and a "pay as you go" cel phone, oh and a box of photos to remind me where I once was.

Cheers, Closing,

H